Malcontent.co.uk

You don’t know me. I’m McNash, and I’ve been head-hunted by Malcontent to tell it ‘how it is.’ I write for many blogs all over the world under various pseudonyms and have achieved much fame from a group of esteemed peers. I’ve had Malski bombarding my inbox for two months now trying to sway me to come on board at Malcontent. I have finally agreed after ironing out some conditions…

It was valentines day recently. I was toying with the idea of some kind of anti-romance post which I thought could be quite fun. So off I went doing my research on the subject of ‘the worlds most unromantic man’ and subjects of that ilk.

GRANT GASTRELL writes for Malcontent revealing astonishing events unravelling behind the scenes at Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. “Spurs” as they are affectionately known, are one of the world’s oldest Football clubs and as such have courted their fair share of controversy in the past. Spurs supporters were involved in the first recorded act of hooliganism in 33AD by crucifying an Arsenal fan called Jesus during a pre season friendly in…

In modern times polite society mostly discourages the vilification of people grouped by a particular characteristic, such as skin colour, physical ability or belief (unless they’re fat or gypsies).  One group who have attempted to exploit sensible folks discomfort about prejudice, are smokers.  In an attempt to fight their increasingly small corner they act as though they are the inheritors of Malcolm X’s mantle.  In the way they wail about…

Liverpool is a much maligned city, thanks in no small part to Harry Enfield’s disgraceful mocking. The latest episode featuring Luis Suarez has only led to more sneering from The Man. After some of the leading lawyers and linguists found Suarez guilty of racial abuse against Patrice Evra, after Liverpool fans hurled more abuse at Evra for being the victim of racial abuse, —after a Liverpool fan did monkey impressions,…

I am sorry to disappoint you but it’s not Alan Corner but plain old Malski considering celebrity crime. Recently, rather pathetically, we were forced to endure the sight of rotten old turnip Antony Worrall Thompson face up to his dastardly deeds of pinching some onions, a bottle of matey bubble bath and a copy of Razzle’s Readers’ Wives from Tesco. When I saw the headline I must admit I either…

Swearing is a hugely cathartic and enjoyable part of everyday life. I’m fond of sprinkling my daily dialogues with profanities, tossing around “fucks” and “twats” as enthusiastically as an amateur juggler. I sometimes combine a couple of cuss words to make a new one or add a noun to the end of a familiar expletive – “cockfly”, “arsebag” , “shitcheeks” and so on. Generally my profane wordplay is greeted with…

Protest movements throughout history have helped facilitate change. From the suffragettes to the civil rights movement protesting is a fundamental right we have to express our grievances. Initially a protest against the bank and corporate greed, the occupy movement have chosen an unusual method to show their disapproval. Camping.

Quite unbelievably we have started getting fan mail. Most of it was for Taurus Shankfoot, well, when I say fan mail, it  was actually demands for his address and detailed notes of his personal movements. We get a lot of Alan Corner signed photographs requests too and rightly so…he’s fabulous. I recieved a personal note of thanks from David Cameron for the “French Question” (Although I am a-political) for daring to say what he could not….

Hi everyone and welcome to a Special Edition of Alan’s Celebrity Corner. I’m continuing my promotion of Barrow-in-Furness as part of the Love Barrow campaign (about which I will be reporting in the weeks to come), and for our international comrades, by reposting this 2011 gem from a now defunct public service website. Anyway, I believe the title of this post speaks for itself so without futher ado I ask…

I can’t quite put my finger on what it is that I hate about poetry.  Maybe it’s the irritation caused by having a collection of words that seem intentionally arranged to obscure meaning, or the way in which aficionado’s smugly stroke their beards (women included) once they’ve unpicked the significance of the cleverly used metaphor that has evaded the understanding of the rest of us.

I love a bit of Rap. Even a bit of gangsta rap back in its infancy was startlingly visceral, unbelievably candid and stone cold funky. It was the voice of the working class black man, largely in America, hitting back at the inequalities and telling the real truth about injustices that they were enduring throughout the late 80′s and early 90′s.

Some terrible things happened in 2011. Earthquakes, riots, tsunamis, Arab springs and of course, the music of Ed Sheeran. All awful I’m sure you’ll agree. I wasn’t in Japan when those terrible events happened early last year, but listening to Sheeran’s album in the name of research has made me realise how lucky some of those people were. If only a fishing trawler had ploughed through my living room wall…

Interpreting London-based Barrow Artist John Duffin Hi! As you probably know, I’m Alan Celebrity ‘Corner’ and I’ve been signed by Malcontent to bring along some of my finest published journalism, connections and the latest celeb goss from my new BFFs. In my latest series I will be penetrating the local arts and culture of a town named Barrow-in-Furness, or ‘Barrow’ for short. For those of you who don’t know, Barrow…

In common with much of Western Civilisation, I rise unnaturally early during the week in order to leave the comfort of my home to engage in unfulfilling waged labour in some remote, inhospitable area (an office).  Therefore, I cherish capitalist society’s gesture of a pitiful two days rest to recharge my rapidly depleting mental wellbeing.  However, on Sunday morning I was abruptly waken by, what appeared to be the gluteously…

It was a typically glorious April afternoon on my sprawling estate in Gloucester. I was enjoying a game of quoits on the lawn adjacent to the east wing which is nicely shaded by a quartet of sycamore trees planted by my grandfather to commemorate his great victory in the Boer war of 32.

Racism… oh dear. I better make this clear right now. There are going to be nasty words in this post but they are necessary. Its like when nudity is part of the story in a film so Kate Winslet gets her norks out. I have to use them so if you don’t like sweary words and slang words that imbeciles use to describe people of a different colour to themselves, then…

I often receive letters from loyal regular readers of my humble blog. Although I endeavour to answer them all personally, some beg to be answered in a public forum. I received such a letter on the morning of Saint Swithin’s eve. Please, I invite you to read on.

I was researching for an article I had dreamed up about science and its effects when I happened across this article written by Patrick Kevin Day. It would seem that Patrick writes for the LA Times under its “Hero Complex” section. As far as I understand the fanboy section is a part of the LA Times website devoted to all things cult, comic book and superhero. I have no problem…